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Women health and Male circumcision


Male circumcision is one of the most hotly debated sexual health issues in the medical community, and it’s also widely discussed among everyday men and women. Why it is such a controversial topic? Well, part of the reason might be because there’s no definitive evidence that being circumcised is better, medically speaking, than being uncircumcised – and vice versa.

However, there are certain things that we are sure of when it comes to circumcision, which involves a minor surgical procedure to remove the foreskin (the sleeve of skin around the head of the penis). These factors offer compelling reasons for men to get the snip.

Here are some of the advantages of circumcisions:

Circumcision does not affect male sexual drive or functioning.
When a guy is not circumcised, moisture can get trapped between his penis and the foreskin, which creates an ideal environment for bacteria to grow. This means there’s a higher risk of infection and it’s easier to spread viruses to others.
Removing the foreskin gets rid of the wet, warm and dark environment that can sustain viruses such as HIV and other sexually transmitted infections such as syphilis, herpes and cancroids.
Being circumcised reduces your female partner’s risk of cervical cancer.
By getting circumcised, you not only reduce your own HIV and STI risk, but your partner’s too.
It can be difficult to keep an uncircumcised penis fresh 100% of the time. Circumcision simplifies the task of keeping the penis clean and keeps you fresher, giving you more confidence.
Some women prefer circumcised penises due to personal preference, as well as the reasons listed here.
The procedure: What to expect and recovery time
A medical male circumcision takes about 30 minutes and is done under anaesthetic by a doctor. The foreskin is snipped off and a few stitches are used to close the incision. These fall out on their own once the penis has healed.

Afterwards you may experience some discomfort for a day or two, but generally it isn’t very painful. There should be no more swelling after two to three weeks, and complete recovery in adult men takes around four to six weeks.

For many years, men have been the direct recipients of messages on medical male circumcision and its benefits. One of them being that it reduces the risk of HIV infection in men. Now women are being made aware that having a circumcised partner does not only protect him, but also protects the woman from getting the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), which ultimately leads to cancer. Cindra Feuer from AVAC, the Global Advocacy for HIV Prevention, explains.

‘A man who is circumcised… he’s less likely to transmit HPV, he’s less likely to transmit herpes and other sexually transmitted infections. There is data that shows that it reduces transmission of HPV from men to women – and other STI’s. HPV causes cervical cancer and also causes penile cancer in men. The reason why it is protective is because when a man has a foreskin, there are cells in the foreskin that attract HIV, so they are more vulnerable to HIV than if there was no foreskin. And, also, it’s a warm place… bacteria can grow more says Cindra Feuer, form the AVAC Global Advocacy for HIV Prevention.

A random study done in Uganda between 2003 and 2006 sought to investigate whether an HIV negative circumcised man can reduce the chances of his HIV-negative female partner from contracting HPV. After 24 months, the study found that more than 38% of women whose partners were uncircumcised had high risk HPV infection compared to 27.8% of women whose partners were circumcised.

From the study’s findings it is now recommended that medical male circumcision should be accepted as an effective intervention for reducing the prevalence and incidence of HPV infection in women. But many women are not aware that medical male circumcision is beneficial for them, as evidenced by these two women I met.

‘This is new information to me and I believe it’s good now that I know. And other women should, too. Many times they tell us about HIV and never inform us about cancer – and cervical cancer is very serious. I will encourage women to talk to their partners because cancer is a slow killer. It is worse than HIV, so women need to know this for their own life and health as well.

‘I wasn’t aware. I always thought since it is about the guy, it only benefits them. I really didn’t know. This is something I have never thought about the women said.

It would seem there is a lack of information out there for women about the benefits of medical male circumcision. Dr Dimakatso Lebina of Zuzimpilo Medical Centre in downtown Jo’burg, says there are small, but steady efforts to make this information available.

‘Now there is a shift towards that change because we know, as healthcare professionals, women utilise the services more than men. And unless the women were not informed of these benefits, we would not have as many men as we are having now to request the services. Some men are brought by their partners who have read about these benefits’, she says.

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Desensitization to morality nature, cause and effect


Desensitization to Immorality

Contracting the disease from so-called modern societies, we have become tremendously desensitized to immorality. Accelerated by the advent of the internet, pornography and sexually explicit images and messages are accessible almost at any time and place in our daily lives. Sin, morality, evil, and good are being continuously redefined for the sake of our own ‘rights’ and preferences. Practices and lifestyles deemed intolerable a few decades ago are now commonplace and in the open. Nudity and scantily-clad bodies are ‘expressions of art’. LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual) group expansion hides under the name of liberty and progressiveness. It is no longer surprising to see ‘Human Rights’ or LGBT advocates proudly professing their religious affiliation and expressing their views in religious dialogues. At the same time religious and spiritual values are labelled archaic and conservative.
This desensitization needs to be addressed rapidly, as it confuses people as to what is right and wrong, to the extent that it can result in violence and crime. Not only does it cause women to self-objectify and convince themselves that their primary worth is determined by their sexualized appearance, but over-sexualization of the environment causes men to view women as sexual objects to be used and violated. As noted by Dworkin and MacKinnon in their criticism of pornography, pornography teaches its consumers that not only is it permissible to treat women in these ways, but also that women themselves enjoy being used, violated and abused by men (1). Although the occurrence of rape has multiple causes, viewing women in such a way may predispose some men to desire to rape or increase the predisposition of other men who already felt this desire. This, in some cases, eventually results in rape and other forms of sexual aggression which may affect other innocent women and children, over whom the perpetrators have power and opportunity.

NATURE, CAUSE AND EFFECT

7 Things You Should Know About Pornography and the Brain

[Note: The following contains a frank, though non-graphic, discussion of pornography addiction. Parents are therefore cautioned to examine the material themselves before sharing it with children or teenagers.]

“Because the human brain is the biological anchor of our psychological experience, it is helpful to understand how it operates,” says William M. Struthers, associate professor of psychology at Wheaton College. “Knowing how it is wired together and where it is sensitive can help us understand why pornography affects people the way it does.” Here are 9 things you should know about pornography affects the brain.

1. Sexually explicit material triggers mirror neurons in the male brain. These neurons, which are involved with the process for how to mimic a behavior, contain a motor system that correlates to the planning out of a behavior. In the case of pornography, this mirror neuron system triggers the arousal, which leads to sexual tension and a need for an outlet. “The unfortunate reality is that when he acts out (often by masturbating), this leads to hormonal and neurological consequences, which are designed to bind him to the object he is focusing on,” says Struthers. “In God’s plan, this would be his wife, but for many men it is an image on a screen. Pornography thus enslaves the viewer to an image, hijacking the biological response intended to bond a man to his wife and therefore inevitably loosening that bond.”

2. In men, there are five primary chemicals involved in sexual arousal and response. The one that likely plays the most significant role in pornography addiction is dopamine. Dopamine plays a major role in the brain system that is responsible for reward-driven learning. Every type of reward that has been studied increases the level of dopamine transmission in the brain, and a variety of addictive drugs, including stimulants such as cocaine, amphetamine, and methamphetamine, act directly on the dopamine system. Dopamine surges when a person is exposed to novel stimuli, particularly if it is sexual, or when a stimuli is more arousing than anticipated. Because erotic imagery triggers more dopamine than sex with a familiar partner, exposure to pornography leads to “arousal addiction” and teaches the brain to prefer the image and become less satisfied with real-life sexual partners.

3. Why do men seek out a variety of new explicit sexual images rather than being satisfied with the same ones? The reason is attributed to the Coolidge effect, a phenomenon seen in mammalian species whereby males (and to a lesser extent females) exhibit renewed sexual interest if introduced to new receptive sexual partners, even after refusing sex from prior but still available sexual partners. This neurological mechanism is one of the primary reasons for the abundance and addictiveness of Internet pornography.

4. Overstimulation of the reward circuitry—such as occurs with repeated dopamine spikes related to viewing pornography—creates desensitization. As Gary Wilson explains, “When dopamine receptors drop after too much stimulation, the brain doesn’t respond as much, and we feel less reward from pleasure. That drives us to search even harder for feelings of satisfaction—for example, by seeking out more extreme sexual stimuli, longer porn sessions, or more frequent porn viewing—thus further numbing the brain.

5. “The psychological, behavioral, and emotional habits that form our sexual character will be based on the decisions we make,” says Struthers. “Whenever the sequence of arousal and response is activated, it forms a neurological memory that will influence future processing and response to sexual cues. As this pathway becomes activated and traveled, it becomes a preferred route—a mental journey—that is regularly trod. The consequences of this are far-reaching.”

6. What makes Internet porn unique? Wilson identifies a number of reasons, including: (1) Internet porn offers extreme novelty; (2) Unlike food and drugs, there are almost no physical limitations to Internet porn consumption; (3) With Internet porn one can escalate both with more novel “partners” and by viewing new and unusual genres; (4) Unlike drugs and food, Internet porn doesn’t eventually activate the brain’s natural aversion system; and (5) The age users start watching porn. A teen’s brain is at its peak of dopamine production and neuroplasticity, making it highly vulnerable to addiction and rewiring.

7. Men’s exposure to sexually explicit material is correlated with social anxiety, depression, low motivation, erectile dysfunction, concentration problems, and negative self-perceptions in terms of physical appearance and sexual functioning.

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Victory over insomia easy tricks 


“Breathing strongly influences physiology and thought processes, including moods. By simply focusing your attention on your breathing, and without doing anything to change it, you can move in the direction of relaxation.”

Dr. Andrew weil
Here is how you do the exercise:
Place the tip of your tongue against the tissue ridge right above your upper front teeth. Keep it there for the remainder of the exercise.

Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound as you do so.

Close your mouth and inhale slowly through your nose while mentally counting to four.

Hold your breath for a mental count of seven.

Exhale completely through your mouth for a mental count of eight. Make the same whoosh sound from Step Two.

This concludes the first cycle. Repeat the same process three more times for a total of four renditions.

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Emotional Intelligence and Managament


Everyone’s always talking about Emotional Intelligence (EI) but what exactly is it? One important aspect of emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions – in oneself and others – and to use that information appropriately. For example, recognizing emotional intelligence in oneself can help you regulate and manage your emotions, while recognizing emotions in others can lead to empathy and success in your relationships, both personal and professional.
Given the importance of emotional intelligence, I thought it might be helpful to give a very brief overview of the topic, as well as 10 ways to enhance your emotional

 1. Don’t interrupt or change the subject. If feelings are uncomfortable, we may want to avoid them by interrupting or distracting ourselves. Sit down at least twice a day and ask, “How am I feeling?” It may take a little time for the feelings to arise. Allow yourself that small space of time, uninterrupted.

2. Don’t judge or edit your feelings too quickly. Try not to dismiss your feelings before you have a chance to think them through. Healthy emotions often rise and fall in a wave, rising, peaking, and fading naturally. Your aim should be not to cut off the wave before it peaks.
3. See if you can find connections between your feelings and other times you have felt the same way. When a difficult feeling arises, ask yourself, “When have I felt this feeling before?” Doing this may help you to realize if your current emotional state is reflective of the current situation, or of another time in your past.
4. Connect your feelings with your thoughts. When you feel something that strikes you as out of the ordinary, it is always useful to ask, “What do I think about that?” Often times, one of our feelings will contradict others. That’s normal. Listening to your feelings is like listening to all the witnesses in a court case. Only by admitting all the evidence will you be able to reach the best verdict.

5. Listen to your body. A knot in your stomach while driving to work may be a clue that your job is a source of stress. A flutter of the heart when you pick up a girl you have just started to date may be a clue that this could be “the real thing.” Listening to these sensations and the underlying feelings that they signal will allow you to process with your powers of reason.
6. If you don’t know how you’re feeling, ask someone else. People seldom realize that others are able to judge how they are feeling. Ask someone who knows you (and whom you trust) how you are coming across. You may find the answer both surprising and illuminating.

7. Tune in to your unconscious feelings. How can you become more aware of your unconscious feelings? Try free association. While in a relaxed state, allow your thoughts to roam freely and watch where they go. Analyze your dreams. Keep a notebook and pen at the side of your bed and jot down your dreams as soon as you wake up. Pay special attention to dreams that repeat or are charged with powerful emotion.
8. Ask yourself: How do I feel today? Start by rating your overall sense of well-being on a scale of 0 and 100 and write the scores down in a daily log book. If your feelings seem extreme one day, take a minute or two to think about any ideas or associations that seem to be connected with the feeling.

9. Write thoughts and feelings down. Research has shown that writing down your thoughts and feelings can help profoundly. A simple exercise like this could take only a few hours per week.
10. Know when enough is enough. There comes a time to stop looking inward; learn when its time to shift your focus outward. Studies have shown that encouraging people to dwell upon negative feelings can amplify these feelings. Emotional intelligence involves not only the ability to look within, but also to be present in the world around you.

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What is Fatawa….? 


The word “fatwa” has become well known around the world. People often hear that a Muslim cleric or scholar has issued a “fatwa”. In some cases, this word has been associated with very negative things, such as a death sentence on a person or a severe punishment. The word “fatwa” has been made popular by media outlets looking for more sensational stories in order to capture the largest possible audience. In their pursuit of ratings, the media need to find an enemy that they can portray as evil and vicious, because such stories trigger fear in viewers and make them interested in following such stories in the media. Media outlets love to find words such as “fatwa” that they can use in their reports. This gives the report a more serious tone, and makes it appear as if the reporter is an expert on the subject, because no one knows what this word means and no one has heard it before. However, the media turns such a word into a keyword that catches the eye and the ear or the average person, all in the pursuit of more viewers and higher ratings.
So what does the word “fatwa” actually mean? It is an Arabic word, and it literally means “opinion”. Related words in Arabic are “afta”, which means to give an opinion, and “yastafti”, which means to ask for an opinion. In fact, in Arabic countries, an opinion poll is called an “istifta”, which is simply a different form of the same word. As you can see, there is nothing sinister or scary about the word itself. So why do media outlets not just say “opinion” so that everyone can understand what they are talking about? Would you care about the opinion of some cleric in Iran or Afghanistan? Probably not. But the use of a foreign sounding word such as “fatwa”, along with all of the negative and evil connotations that it carries, will catch the attention of a good number of people. This translates into more viewers, higher ratings and more advertising dollars.
This was the linguistic meaning of the word “fatwa”. In a religious context, the word “fatwa” carries more meaning. This is because when a Muslim has a question that they need to be answered from an Islamic point of view, they ask an Islamic scholar this question, and the answer is known as a “fatwa”. This “fatwa” carries more weight than just the random opinion of any person on the street. Muslim scholars are expected to give their “fatwa” based on religious evidence, NOT BASED ON THEIR PERSONAL OPINIONS. Therefore, their “fatwa” is sometimes regarded as a religious ruling.
Hence, media should stop misusing the term fatwa, personal statement/opinion of any Tom dick harry is not fatwa and muslim are not bound to follow the so called fatwa.

Any person wearing skull cap n sporting beard is not scholar of islam or representative of whole muslim community.
When a muslim needs to know the ruling of Islam in a particular case or matter, he/she consults a qualified Islamic scholar to ask for the same since not every Muslim is knows all such intricate matters. The answer given by the scholar or cleric in the light of Islamic rulings is called “fatwa”.

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Physics Explain Metaphysics 


Human senses are limited in their capacity to see, feel, or measure objects. Thus, they constrict the domain of human knowledge. Be it the reality of an atom or what lies beyond this universe, these are the facts that are beyond the human capacity to perceive. It can merely be based on guess or speculation. Help could be sought from the rules that govern the natural phenomena. Thus, one could be partly successful in explaining the metaphysical phenomena arguing from these physical phenomena. Even the physical world carries several hints about the metaphysical domain. Without this, even this world would perhaps be much more mysterious place. Inherent in the physical phenomena is the fact that there exists a great source of metaphysical power, which pulls the string all over the vast universe. And these metaphysical realities could only be perceived and proved through argument, which clearly lies in the ambit of philosophy.

It must be understood here that partial realities of the physical world could act as a set of premises in proving the existence of the Almighty God, His creative prowess, sustenance, omnipotence, and omniscience. Scientific facts can, however, only play a marginal role; the larger principles have to be deduced at the philosophical level. Thus scientific facts clearly points to the existence of a creator and a sustainer for the entire universe. The modern physics, rather than the ancient one, bear clearer references to the reality of God. Writings of the  noted scientists Sir Arthur Eddington and Sir James Jeans could be a guide. Every speck of this universe testifies to this reality. The Qur’an says:
“On the earth are signs for those of assured faith, as also in your own selves. Will you not see then?” (59: 2)

The Qur’an, therefore, invites man to ponder over phenomena of universe and unravel the mysteries embedded in them, which carry metaphysical insights and lessons for humanity. Some scientists were clear in their perception that at the root of the entire physical system lies the ultimate reality of a truly universal mind or self which is far from being mechanical.  Newton said:

“The business of natural philosophy to argue from phenomena … and to deduce causes from effects till we come to the very first cause which certainly is not mechanical.”

Science was never rebellious against religion while it was nurtured by the Muslims or in the Islamic ambience. However as the baton of scientific discoveries was passed on to the Europe, it began to assume materialistic contours. Lack of foresight by the church and the Christians contributed immensely to this development. This precise study does not afford any discussion here.
 

Materialist philosophy began to influence the human mind around the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries in the wake of the emergence of new scientific concepts. They were in the nature of explaining the creation of the universe from purely material perspective. This unleashed an avalanche.  There were no holds barred. Materialists had then no qualms in likening the entire universe to a machine, which once put into place, went on its own force producing a whole lot of physical forces. Even human beings were interpreted as machines where choice and instincts had no role. It went even further. Matter and energy were held as eternal and indestructible. Matter was nothing but a bundle of compressed atoms, which were bonded together with gravitational force. Universe had no beginning and was eternal. Some even went to the extreme of declaring that once the universe came into being, it needed none to sustain it; belief in God is redundant. It is like bidding farewell to the creator of the universe after due thanks. Sir James Jeans describes the materialistic philosophy that emerged between seventeenth and nineteenth centuries in the following words:
 

“The final establishment of this law as the primary guiding principle in nature was the triumph of the seventeenth century, the great century of Galileo and Newton. Apparitions in the sky were shown to result merely from the universal laws of optics; comets, which had hitherto been regarded as portents of the fall of empires or the death of kings, were proved to have their motions prescribed by the universal law of gravitation. ‘And’ wrote Newton would that the rest of the phenomena of nature could be deduced by a like kind of reasoning from mechanical principles.

“Out of this resulted a movement to interpret the whole material universe as a machine, a movement which steadily gained force until it’s culmination in the latter half of the nineteenth century. It was then that Helmholtz declared that ‘the final aim of all natural science is to resolve itself into machinist’”.

This mind-set led to the belief that human life and the brain too were subjected to mechanical action. The fact is that all those claims that were advanced on the basis of the materialistic theories were rooted in the Maxwell and Newton’s assumptions and laws of motion, whereas the twentieth century discoveries have amply disproved them by the theory of relativity. Similarly the quantum theory has made the mechanical concept  of the law of causation redundant. On these same lines, the theory of atom being indivisible or indestructible has been rendered obsolete due to the discovery of the elementary particles. Moreover, the fact that the matter has been proved to be ‘solid energy’ has put the seal of verification over extinction of matter. Consequently, matter could be converted into energy and vice versa, given the discoveries in the twentieth century. Likewise, the second law of thermodynamics has invalidated the law of conservation of energy. It is widely known today that stars are continually losing their body mass due to radiation.

In fact until the culmination of the nineteenth century the world of science was unanimous in its acceptance of the three major conservation laws, those of the conservation of matter, mass, and energy. They meant that matter and mass could never be annihilated and would remain in some form or the other ceaselessly. The energy, that is electricity, light, steam, sound, and magnetism too was eternal but the findings of the twentieth century have rendered them invalid as it has been fully substantiated that they are only the different forms of one single entity. Today, matter is frozen; energy is ‘fluid matter’. They are interchangeable too. Thus, following the discovery of elementary particles, matter is no more solid, and has been proved to be composed of electrical waves or radiations. These radiations are continuously spreading out in the space and dissolving themselves. As a result, stars are losing their mass through constant radiation.

Modern physics had its beginning in 1895 when X-rays were discovered. In this context, noted Philosopher C.E.M Joad writes:
 

“Ultimately, therefore, the fate of the universe is to dissolve into radiation; there would be neither sunlight nor starlight but only a cool glow of radiation uniformly diffused through space.”

It is therefore, estimated that the sun radiates nearly 250 million tons of energy a minute. Hence the ‘death’ of matter is in reality the death of materialism. Inherent in these scientific facts is the reality that the age of materialism is over. It has several insights for us, yet some materialists are hell bent upon the orthodox theories.

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Divorce In Islam


Devout Muslims take their marriage seriously because in Islam divorce is disliked and should be considered the very last resort for a bad or strained relationship. If problems arise in a marriage, both parties should seek to solve through family intervention if their own efforts bear no fruit. Islamic divorce procedure is vastly different from the western one, mainly because it is based on very well defined, unchangeable, yet easy and just rulings. Judicial system works more efficiently in countries governed by the Islamic shari’ah because of these characteristics. Hence Muslims living in an Islamic society are at an advantage in this matter. They know what to expect both in cases of marriage and divorce, and everything is taken care of by the Islamic court itself. The west does not have such a beneficial system. Constantly changing laws can raise havoc there in such matters. Moreover, one has to hire an expensive attorney that not everyone can afford and hope to get an unbiased judge.

In Islam divorce is not such a simple thing as it is misunderstood by some people. It has certain rulings, and is forbidden under certain circumstances.  It is legally forbidden to pronounce divorce during a woman’s monthly menstrual cycle and if the couple has had intercourse after her last monthly period. This prohibition addresses a few pertinent matters. For one, a woman is likely to experience emotional ups and downs during menstruation. This in turn creates more stress and may deter any reconciliation. If divorce is pronounced to a woman during this time, she may tend to be more emotional, cause undue trauma for her and her family. After the pronouncement of divorce, an additional waiting period of three monthly cycles must pass in order to facilitate any possible reconciliation. If the woman is pregnant, the waiting time is until the birth of the baby regardless of the length of the time. The Muslim man, regardless of his desire for divorce at this time must wait out the entire period of pregnancy.  In other words, he cannot abandon his wife while she is carrying their child. He must continue to maintain her throughout the pregnancy, and possibly after the childbirth when divorce is finalized. The mother can nurse her child and is entitled to get support from its father until it reaches the age of two. If the mother refuses, the husband must be prepared to hire someone else as a nurse.

The waiting period as prescribed acts as a buffer. Divorce is stressful enough for both the parties concerned.  The waiting period is often a time for reconciliation, which is permissible and even desirable. Whatever the circumstances may be, Islam forbids cruel treatment of either partner, and equitable, humane respect is expected from every person involved. Islamic divorce does not take place publicly in front of a judge or in a courtroom full of strangers. Consciousness of God as an omnipresent power is a fundamental underlying force in Islam; therefore, Muslim men and women are expected to be responsible at all times, even during the delicate process of divorce. Due to the element of religious and moral uprightness required of Muslims and because Islam has defined everything, making a divorce public would not be beneficial.

In Islam the general grounds for divorce are simple and humane. It is the inability of either the husband or the wife to continue keeping their marital duties. It might be that one simply cannot live peacefully or compassionately with the other. It is inhumane to force a person to stay with someone under duress. Some acceptable reasons to justify a wife’s request for divorce include a husband being absent for an extended period without his wife’s consent, he being neglectful of his wife and her needs, inability or unwillingness on his part to provide for his wife, excessive financial stress, or the inability to reproduce. Circumstances which require dissolution are when a wife accepts Islam but the husband does not or if either partner denounces his/her faith. Also if the marriage contract is found to be incorrect or void due to falsification or error, a divorce must take place.

Quran says regarding divorce:

The divorce is final after waiting period is finished.
The couple may now go their separate ways. For children under the age of two, the mother is given custody for the purpose of breastfeeding. The father is at this time required to pay for the maintenance of the mother and child until the child reaches the age of weaning; (Surah Talaq 65:1)

And at another place, it says:

If no agreement is reached by the parents concerning custody, the child is normally retained by the mother during preschool years and then may be given to the father, unless it against the best intrests of the child. (Surah Baqarah 2:233)

It must be understood that the Muslim men are forever the wards and providers for their children even after the divorce. This means that children in Islam are protected by this command, unlike in the west where “deadbeat dads” exist. In case where father is granted the custody of children, he cannot forbid the mother from seeing, keeping contact with or visiting her children. This is anti-Islamic and would be cruel. In Islam divorce does not mean the end of parent-child relationship. One of the prerequisites to enter Heaven is that one has been good to and has honoured the womb which bore him.

A couple may be divorced twice, after which they may remarry.  However, after the third divorce it is forbidden to reconcile until the woman has first married another man with the intention of permanence.  Then she must have been widowed or divorced from the second husband. This forces couples to be very careful about their actions and words towards one another and does not allow for the ease of divorce to be abused or taken for granted. Divorce in Islam has been made easy, but not so easy that people will take advantage of it.